Yakoo on Ice
by Richard Frye

Here is the treatment and cure for Cabin Fever. It works too!
Somebody Other Than The Gods Must Be Crazy!

The dreaded disease had me in a death grip! houseboundus confinus
commonly known a "Cabin Fever!" I know the cure! But certain obstacles like the wife...mainly... and the older kids often interfere with recovery. Grandkids think Grandpa is "kool" cause he does crazy things that are fun, even when he ain't suppose to!

I had to act quickly and nonchalantly as my oldest daughter and my sweet wife drove away to do some last minute Christmas shopping! My old military mind went to work and all I could hear was "GO GO GO..MOVE IT, MOVE IT!" I threw open the shop door in a flash! Had unlocked it earlier just in case! Grabbed the Yakoo Stealth since all the others are being fixed, being repainted or something! Quickly secured her with bungees on my wife's car! Cause it's got a rack! Bungees are much faster than messing around with a bunch of rope, s-hooks, etc., especially with cold fingers, and if you are on a special ops covert mission for medicinal purposes..time is of the utmost importance!

We'd had a warm spell that melted about half the lake! It was already up to 34 and I had water,.. but the landing ramp was still packed in! Further up stream it was open and the snow was gone. Just to the right of the sign is where I slipped the boat in. I read the last part and it said enter at your own risk! Looking narrowed eyed to the right and left quickly...just to make sure nobody was coming down the road, I took the risk and headed toward the lake which is about a mile!

Now I was well away from the confines of land and already feeling better! Fresh but cold air, absolutely exhilarating! Splashing sounds coming from the bow sent relaxing sensations to my entire nervous system! Over my shoulder I can see a long vee in the water that let's me know I'm cruising along just fine!

Wives and older kids need to be educated on the damage that Cabin Fever can do to a man! It's amazing! Grandkids understand! Cause they think going out in a blizzard at 20 below zero to build a snowman is fun! Nuff said about that!

There was very little wind. That made it nice too! I felt alone and at peace! This was probably due to the fact that I was the only damn fool in the lake! In a short time I was in sight of the landing ramp and it was solid pack ice! I nudged it gently with the bow...and heard the familiar crunch! It was only about 3/4 of an inch thick, so I backed off 'bout 10 yards and threw in some rather heavy power strokes hoping to break my way through! Well..........dat didn't work! The sharp bow angle just rode the whole front end up and over onto the frozen slab! I found myself and my boat about half way up on the pack of ice landing with a thud!

I knew the ice wouldn't hold my weight if I got out, and the water wuz too fer back for me to reach with a paddle! I thought for a minute then horror overwhelmed me! "Oh my god! What if the wife comes back early, drives by, and sees me sitting out here in a boat that ain't even in the damn water!" My ass is dead!

I rambled thru my gear and got the ice picks I made from a couple of long gutter nails I had sharpened up real good. They were tied together with a length of nylon cord, and that was wrapped up on each nail with some duct tape for the handles! I tried jumping up and down in the seat figuring I could break the ice! That didn't work either! The weight was spread out just enough to hold the boat and me. I cut the rope in the middle of my ice spikes and tied a loop on each to go around my wrist! Don't know why! If I dropped one it'd be on solid ice!

The Stealth is low so I dug the spikes in on each side and for some dumb ass reason pulled myself up further on the ice and away from real water! The boat moved very easy this way, so I had fun just pulling myself around on the ice pack, playing, sliding, etc.! Actually got going pretty fast a few times!

Time was running short and figured I'd better get back in the water. With help from the spikes she slid in easily, and I was off to the other side of the lake to investigate about a hundred geese that decided to hang around this winter! Couldn't make it to the dam as it was about 600 yards of ice between me and deeper water for fishin'. Those geese were smart by leaving 80 to a hundred yards of ice between me and them! I had the .22, but don't see that good anymore without a scope! Then felt it'd be easy to get my wife her Christmas goose later since this is a legal hunting area..and better to do that from land rather than to go scoot'in across the ice again!

I don't like geese! Yep... they're pretty and nice to look at but they crap all over the place and if you're in a boat and they fly over it's best to take immediate evasive action to avoid being smacked with goose poop bombs! I've even had em to come right into my camp at 6am in the damn morning and start honking just cause I happened to be on "their" island! Then have to chase 'em off so I can fix some coffee! And warranting use of the .357! They can get nasty and ill mannered! As a young man of 13 years, I went to see my girlfriend whose family had a bunch of irate geese! They were mean! Proof of that from the blood blisters on my butt big as a quarter! Finally broke up with that girl! Had to just to heal up so I could sit down! I'll say it again! I don't like geese!.....and I always got the .22 in the boat! They know it too! Like I said,..they can be pretty smart!

Paddled back upstream, leaving the main body of the lake to check out my favorite slough. It was still frozen so that ended that! I did put a line in and got several weak strikes, and one good one, but nothing stayed on! First time I've been skunked all year! But I really didn't go to fish anyway. All this "Cabin Fever" stuff made me weak, not being able to paddle and all. I was feeling it in my arms and shoulders, so I headed back in......but in general......feeling a helluva lot better, and on my way to recovery!

I got home, put all covert equipment and weapons away. Boat, lifejacket, bungees, fishin' rod, paddle, .22, etc., and fixed a nice big bowl of homemade chili! Just as I checked the mail....Paul..our mailman and Yakoo owner said, "I saw you out there when I came by!....Kaye's gonna kill you!" I responded with military tactics, and said, "Not if you don't tell her!" Then he said he wished he'd been with me! I can only describe it as being nice! Wasn't bad at all, I thoroughly enjoyed every minute, and at least some of the disease symptoms are gone! You'd be astonished at what a couple of hours paddling around can do.......When you tell the grandkids a big secret they'll keep it!.....

But good grandkids know how to keep a secret! They know that grandpa will rent them the movie they want to watch tonight!..or give 'em candy they ain't suppose to have right before dinner, etc.....if they don't tell grandma any secrets! But if you decide you need some therapy...dress for the occasion and be safe! My wife is a genealogist and said although she tried ....there ain't no eskimo blood in me,... but she traced my ancestors back to 1236ad.....and promptly stated that she was willing to bet MY whole social security check on the fact that if she digs deep enough into my "roots"...she will certainly discover signs of mental illness! Later, Richard